Well, what can I say about the author? I’ll make it short. I heard that he is a husband of one wife and a guy blessed with a cute daughter. Rumor has been told that he can’t survive a day without grabbing a cup of coffee. He doesn’t bite so please don’t hesitate to send a facebook friend request.

But Why?

Everyone has a story. Mine is not really unique or special in that case. Just a regular guy who grew up in a Christian church and community.

I’m a trying hard wannabe writer. Little to none fancy words up my sleeves. No writing genius. Nothing to expect from me as a writer. A friendly warning to avoid frustration. It’s the thought that matters anyway. 😀

But why the heck did a grammar murderer bothered starting this website? I did not even imagine myself doing this. I’m no writer at all and far from it. But this random thought just popped up my brain one day. These Jesus stuffs that I’ve enjoyed are worth sharing and unworthy of keeping. For me, as a follower of Jesus, its a matter of life and death. My 250 grams fist-size heart ( I googled the number ) could not contain the enormous love and grace that was poured out on me (1 Timothy 1:14). All my posts are from the outflowing of a joyful heart when I met Jesus the second time around. The first time, by the way, was when my Sunday school teacher introduced Him to me as my Savior and Lord. Little did I know that He was way more than that.

A Regular Churchy Guy

Growing up in a churchy background, I was taught that my acceptance and blessings before God are earned and conditioned upon my performance, service, obedience, and moral status. The pastors preached it. The discipleship materials taught it. I viewed my service as one that is from a strong sense of responsibility and guilt rather than opportunity and joy. I have to comply lest I’d be deemed disqualified before God.

I have come to fully embrace everything that I believed as been told. I did serve God from the best of my ability. I had given all that I can not to sin (although I often do) and live a holy life. I always kept my spiritual thermometer with me to monitor if I am still “hot” on my service for the fear of being spewed out by Jesus.

This gave me a false sense of holiness and acceptance. I thought that somewhat the holy smoke produced by my fiery service and moral fitness reached the heavens and put a smile on God’s face as he bestowed his approval upon me.

I Blew It Up

It was when I was caught hanging in the ropes of my spiritual journey and found myself in the cliff of despair. A moment when I thought I was the worst Christian let alone person in the world. The chief sinner there is. I blew up everything so badly to the point of even questioning my existence and purpose.

But none of these things work now. It seemed that this burden of complying had its toll on me. I am and can’t be worthy of my God anymore. He has turned his back on me. I gave up too.

Turning Point

One day I heard a preacher said, “It is a good thing to come to an end of yourself because it is the beginning of God”. This message strucked my heart pretty badly ( in a good way ). God was talking to me through that preacher. From desperation, I pleaded for Jesus’ love once more. Countless tears had been shed begging for his grace. And indeed, He did. I felt the gentle hand of Jesus slowly pulling me up before my total drown. He did this to Peter before, I was reminded.

I’ve searched the scriptures and asked him to reveal himself to me once again. God showed me who I really am apart from Christ through Paul’s confession to his letter to the Romans, “In me dwelleth no good thing. What a wretched man that I am.”

Paul said, “I no longer live but Christ lives in me.” ( Galatians 2:20 ) This verse makes sense to me now. I understood that I am a wretched man and that no good thing dwells in me. And most of all, I am dead apart from Christ.

Jesus said, “You live, because I live.”

At this point on, I understand that Christianity is not about me. It was about Christ’s life in and through me.

Christianity is not my life for Christ, but His life through me.

A New Jesus and A New Beginning

Things changed.

I viewed myself differently. I’ve read the scriptures through a different lens. This time, I did not look for myself — I looked for Jesus.

Slowly bombs of truth unraveled before my unprepared heart. It seemed that I met a different Jesus. All the while I thought that He was a grumpy old man waiting for me to stumble and surprisingly unleash his holy wrath of judgment upon me. But He isn’t. He is the Jesus who willingly died for me not when I was at my best but when I was at my worst ( Romans 5:8 ). The Jesus who was made sin for me so that I become righteous before God ( 2 Corinthians 5:21 ). The Jesus who chose to be rejected on the cross so that I might be accepted before his Holy Father ( Ephesians 1:6 ). He is my life ( John 10:10 ).

I was freed from the burden of performing. He is my righteousness now. Freed from trying to qualify myself as I’m blessed with all blessings in Him ( Ephesians 1:3 ). My heart felt the rush of that blissful freedom — that moment when I experienced Him the second time around. The chain that once bound me vanished. I am now free to love and serve Him ( Galatians 5:1 ). And most of all empowered to serve from love and not obligation (1 Corinthians 15:10).

Now, you know where I’m coming from. If what I’ve said is also true of you, then join me on my journey as we discover Christ once more and enjoy the riches of His love, mercy, and grace.

Philippians 3:9-10 And be found in Him, not having my own righteousness from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to Him in His death

In Christ,
Mark